CG's Slayers Fairytale Theater: Red Riding Hood
by Rocky and CG
Summary: CG's take on the classic tale of Red Riding Hood. Only Valgaav as the big bad wolf and Gourry as red riding hood.... Hey wait! This fairytale doesn't make any sense!


A SILLY NON-LEMON SLAYERS FAIRY TALE   
  
C.G.: Well I have tons of these to write up after my LOL ficcy but I feel like another good fairy tale today.   
  
Xellos: C.G.!!!!   
  
C.G.: What?  
  
Xellos: Read the title!!!  
  
C.G.: I know the title sucks but…  
  
Xellos: Non-lemon!?!?  
  
C.G.: Oh. This is not a lemon.  
  
Xellos: You disappoint me. I'm leaving! I don't have to stay, you don't own me like you don't own the rest of the Slayers characters. ::leaves::  
  
C.G.: ::sweatdrop:: Today's really weird-ass fairy tale is based on Little Red Riding Hood. Don't sue! Tee hee.  
  
Xellos: ::giggle:: Back! I didn't know there was going to be cross-dressing in it. I love Little Red Riding Hood! Especially when the wolf eats Red and grandma and that guy cuts open the wolf's stomach…   
  
C.G.: ::sweatdrop:: Well, not exactly in this story.  
  
Xellos: WHAT?!?! How can you take the good parts out? But I guess I'll stay for the cross-dressing.  
  
C.G.: This is a Slayers Fairy Tale you know. Can I finish?  
  
Xellos: Is there blood in it?  
  
C.G.: Once upon a time…  
  
Xellos: Again?  
  
C.G.: All fairy tales start like this, you fruit!  
  
Xellos: Continue.  
  
C.G.: Thank you . There was an ancient dragon named Valgaav. The golden dragons killed off his race…   
  
Xellos: Which then yours truly killed those pesky dragons off.  
  
C.G.: THAT DETAIL IS NOT IN THIS STORY!!!!!  
  
Xellos: Continue.  
  
C.G.: Valgaav was dying but The Demon Dragon King Gaav turned him into a Mazoku.   
  
Xellos: I see your using TRY for this one. They know what happens already. Here let me help. Lina and the others help in the demise of Gaav… blah, blah, blah. Valgaav wants revenge…blah, blah, blah. He wants to destroy the world…blah, blah, blah. He needs the Sword Of Light (SOL)…  
  
C.G.: ::sweatdrop:: Thank you Xellos. Anyway, it wasn't as easy as Valgaav to get the SOL as he planned. His main problem is he couldn't separate…  
  
Xellos: I smell a silly and perverted Gourrina lemon.  
  
C.G.: The Silly and Perverted Lemon Gourrina Fairy Tale comes later!!!!!  
  
Xellos: And let me guess, under the covers.   
  
C.G.: …  
  
Xellos: Hmm?  
  
C.G.: ::giggle:: It's a secret.  
  
Xellos: I am NOT that fruity! Wuss.  
  
C.G.: ::giggle::  
  
Xellos: Stop that. Let's see…So Valgaav cannot separate Lina and Gourry long enough to get the SOL. Continue.  
  
C.G.: Valgaav tried everything but all this plans failed. But desperate to have the sword, he follows them around constantly in hopes they drop their guard. One day while Valgaav is watching them from a distance, Lina receives a letter.  
  
Xellos: Let me guess whom it's from.  
  
C.G.: Grrrr… Lina reads the letter that reads:   
  
"Dear Lina,  
  
I got a bad case of the cold and was wondering if you  
could bring me back that book you borrowed a long time  
ago. I would like it to read it again now.   
  
Big Sister"  
  
Lina: *cries* MY SISTER IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!  
  
C.G.: She panics and hides underneath a rock. Gourry rushes over and sees what is wrong.   
  
Gourry: Lina? Who's going to kill you? Come out of there! Bugs live under rocks.  
  
Lina: YUK!!!! Thank you Gourry.  
  
C.G.: Lina knew that she needed to get the book back to Luna, but how?  
  
Lina: Oh, Gourry…  
  
Gourry: Oh no. It's your turn to sell your blood for money. I did it last time.  
  
Lina: *nervous laughter* It's not like that; I want you to run an errand for me. I want you to take a few things to my sister's house.   
  
Gourry: Why can't you do it?  
  
Lina: I'll be selling my blood for money.  
  
Gourry: Oh.  
  
C.G.: Lina decides this is a perfect opportunity to get on her sister's good side and makes up a basket filled with the book and also "Don't kill me" presents: A gift certificate to a really good spa, scented candles, a box of expensive chocolates, and some real strong perfume.   
  
Lina: Ok Gourry, all you have to do is go straight down that road until you get to a fork in the road with a sign that says "Luna's House" then go down that path until you get there. It's too easy.  
  
Gourry: Why would she have her own sign?  
  
Lina: Some people like to ask her favors.   
  
Gourry: Don Luna?  
  
Lina: *groan* Get going!  
  
Gourry: Bye Lina!  
  
Xellos: ::mimicking Lina:: But first we must go into the woods and have sex! Pull out your big sword so I can shine it for you.  
  
C.G.: NO SEX!!!!  
  
Xellos: ::sigh:: You're no fun!   
  
C.G.: And so off he went to Luna's house.   
  
Xellos: What about Valgaav?  
  
C.G.: I was just getting to that. Valgaav was listening in to their conversation behind a tree.  
  
Valgaav: Did you hear that? Now our chance!   
  
Jiras: Right Lord Valgaav.  
  
Gravos: Let's get him now.  
  
Valgaav: Not yet. We have some place else to go first. We have to catch him with his guard down.  
  
Gravos: Huh?  
  
Valgaav: Hurry, we have to get there before him.  
  
C.G.: Valgaav and his servants run through the forest and get ahead of Gourry. When they get to the sign, they turn it like in those WB cartoons.  
  
Xellos: ::giggle::  
  
C.G.: Of course, Gourry goes the long way.  
  
Xellos: Is that suggestive?  
  
Whack  
  
C.G.: Valgaav and his servants get to Luna's house.   
  
Val: We have to get her out of the house. ::writes::  
  
Xellos: ?  
  
C.G.: He slips the letter under the door. Spot notices the letter.  
  
Luna: ::cough:: What's this, Spot?   
  
"Dear Luna,  
  
Shorthanded. Please help.  
  
Boss"  
  
As I always say: Nothing can keep me from working! Come on, Spot!  
  
C.G.: And so Luna and Spot leave.   
  
Val: Great! Now Jiras, dress up as Luna and then…  
  
Jiras: Uh, Lord Valgaav?   
  
Val: What?  
  
Jiras: Luna is human.   
  
Gravos: Wouldn't it be easier if…  
  
Val: If what?  
  
Gravos: You dress up as Luna.  
  
Val: ME???  
  
Jiras: It'll work. We just need to cover up your horn.  
  
Val: Me never! I'll never where a girl's nighties! NEVER!!!  
  
C.G.: Later…  
  
Val: Is this the best nightie you could find?  
  
Jiras: Pink looks very good on you Lord Valgaav.   
  
Gravos: You look so cute in the silk. Oh here's the wig.  
  
Val: I can't see with these bangs!  
  
Gravos: And here's the hat to cover up your horn.  
  
Val: You two, get under the bed.   
  
Jiras: Ok.  
  
Gravos: I can't fit.  
  
Val: Of course you can! ::kick:: See?  
  
Gravos: Thanks.  
  
Jiras: AHHHHHHHH…::cries::  
  
C.G.: They hear a knock at the door.   
  
Xellos: No solicitors!  
  
Val: I can't see where the bed is.  
  
Gourry: ::outside:: Luna?  
  
Val: Oh, here it is. ::poorly done girl's voice:: Come in!  
  
Gourry: I would have been here sooner but someone changed the sign. I went the wrong way.   
  
Val: ::girl:: Oh that's ok. How about you come over here  
and give me my book?  
  
Gourry: There's something under your bed.  
  
Val: ::girl:: No, there isn't.  
  
Gourry: Yes, there is.  
  
Jiras: ::under the bed:: We're just little mice. Don't mind us.  
  
Gourry: Ok.  
  
Val: ::girl:: Please give me my book!  
  
Gourry: Oh sure here.  
  
Val: ::whispers:: Where is he?  
  
Jiras: He's on your left.  
  
Val: Oh. I'll just take it from you! ::grab::  
  
Gourry: ::cries:: AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
Val: ::girl:: Oops. Sorry about that.  
  
C.G.: Gourry runs into the kitchen. Valgaav hears snickering under the bed.  
  
Xellos falls over laughing.  
  
Val: GRRRR…  
  
Jiras: Sorry. ::snicker::  
  
Val: ::girl:: I didn't mean it! Come back in here!  
  
Gourry: ::from kitchen:: Oh don't worry.  
  
Val: ::girl:: What are you doing in there? I hear  
munching noise. Uh oh. ::sweatdrop:: GOURRY!!!!  
  
Gourry: What?  
  
Val: Please come over here and give me my book.  
  
Gourry: Sure.   
  
Val: Get him.  
  
Jiras: We're stuck.  
  
Val: I guess then I'll do it. ::lifts up bangs from over his eyes::  
  
Gourry: ::enters:: Hey Luna, what bloodshot-looking eyes you have.  
  
Val: That's because of these stupid contacts.  
  
Gourry: Oh Luna, what a weird horn you have. You know you can get that removed.  
  
Val: Well…uh…Oh that's it! ::transforms::  
  
Gourry: Oh Luna, that's one freaky arm you got there. I would see a doctor about that, think it's infected.  
  
Val: GIVE ME THE SWORD!!!!!!  
  
Gourry: HEY!!!  
  
C.G.: They start playing tug a war. But just then…  
  
Xellos: Luna returns!!!!!  
  
Luna: What's going on?  
  
C.G.: Valgaav lets go.  
  
Val: Uh oh. ::sweatdrop::  
  
Gourry: Luna?  
  
Luna: Yes?  
  
Gourry: Here's your book.  
  
Luna: Thanks. You ! Did you write this letter? Why are you wearing my pink nighties?  
  
Val: ::sweatdrop:: I…uhh…  
  
Jiras: We're screwed.  
  
Luna: Let's get them, Spot.  
  
Val, Jiras, and Gravos: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…  
------------------------------------  
Luna: So, Lina sent you.  
  
C.G.: Luna and Gourry sit at the table. Outside the window, we can see Spot digging a hole and throwing a pleading Jiras into it.  
  
Luna: Tell Lina she didn't have to do this. ::looks at her half-eaten box of candy::  
  
Gourry: I will. I got to get going. She gets weird after she sells blood. Bye. ::waves::  
  
Luna: ?  
  
C.G.: And I don't know how to end this one.  
  
Xellos: This ficcy would have been better with sex scenes.  
  
C.G.: Would you shut up! 


End file.
